just can't help
by viciousboar
Summary: Gale really just couldn't help but fall in love with Katniss. GalexKatnissxPeeta/book based/Mockingjay spoilers


**When you're 14, she's 12.**

When you're 14, you stumble across a figure. A figure hovering over _your_ snare traps.

It's a girl. A pretty thief, a little younger than you, but a thief, nonetheless [but_ you can't help_ but a d m i r e that a young girl like herself crossed the fence]

She calls herself 'Katniss' (but you call her '**Catnip**,' just to see her reaction)

Katniss looks familiar. Yes, she was at the Justice Building with you, receiving an award for the mining accident that killed several workers, including our fathers (you remember how she was the only one in that room not crying)

And she ignites in you what several haven't been able to for years. _Laughter _(because there hasn't been much to laugh about since your father's death)

And Rory and Vick and Hazelle do notice you coming home, all distracted (and they all do know it has nothing to do with the huge load you brought home)

So you begin to meet up more and more (she's just so intriguing, different than most girls)

Conversation begins to flow about the Hunger Games (how you both must sign up for tessera; how you're both the oldest in the family, trying to support everyone)

And so "the girl and boy who met by chance in the woods five years ago and became inseparable" friendship begins (or, as you like to call it, Katniss&Gale)

/ / /

**When you're 15, she's 13.**

And she's definitely growing up. Still a real pain, but a more grown up real pain (but you're still not sure if that's good or bad)

Her shots are definitely impressive, her arrows always flying straight towards the target (it makes you always want to learn from her)

You start to trade in the Hob, using the money to support your family (but if your family _still_ isn't fed enough, what's it like for everyone else?)

But you notice that she's not all that socially adept (she usually sits alone, or with the mayor's strawberry-loving kid)

Apparently lots of girls think you're good looking, because you've had some takers [but _you can't help_ but w o n d e r if she thinks the same way about you]

You begin to hang out with her more at school. More than you hang out with your friends, or the girls you kiss behind the school and on the slag heap (because she knows more about him than they ever will)

She cares about her sibling (a lot), just as much as you do yours (influencing your reason to go hunt with her)

But Thom is complaining one day ("_Why do you spend all your time with someone two years younger?")_

You think maybe it's because you can connect on a level that some people just can't and maybe (just maybe) you'll turn out to be soul mates (but years later you face the fact that someone loved her first)

The two of you have begun to hang out all the time, hunting, talking, trading secrets, complaints, and fears (closest you've ever been to someone since your dad)

Like the Capitol. And their horrible, malicious, macabre, loathsome Hunger Games (she always takes your words in silence, but you know she agrees)

/ / /

**When you're 16, she's 14.**

And she's defnitely gotten the hang of using snares (not that you're surprised - she's brilliant at hunting)

You've unofficially become best friends (so, of course, know each other inside and out)

And you laugh and talk and hunt together all the time [because _you can't help_ but feel slightly a t t r a c t e d to her - but just an /innocent/ crush]

You both hunt in sync now, knowing each other's next kill, next move (you think about how she's the only person who can ever do this with you)

As for Vick, he's always asking, always questioning (_"Are you going to see your girlfriend, now Gae?"_ but he's completely serious, albeit the dramatic mispronunciation of his name)

But you can't help but notice that someone else looks differently than most other guys do (that damn Mellark's been staring at her since before you met her)

You're still dating and kissing other girls (but this time they don't really mean a thing)

She's growing up, boys are starting to notice her (and you don't like it one bit)

/ / /

**When you're 17, she's 15.**

Friends of yours from the Seam have been reaped (and they never came back from their little trip)

One day, you two see Haymitch staggering around the Hob (and you really think it might have been better for himself if he had died in the arena)

The Games, getting more and more sick and disgusting, are getting worse and worse (and you feel stressed about all the tessera you're still signing up for to keep everyone going)

So to the relieve the pain you're hanging out with her more than ever (in the Hob, with Greasy Sae, just takes your mind off _everything_)

There have been some rumors about the duo that goes under the fence, in the woods together to "hunt" (you only wish the lip-lock stories were true)

Later Darius is joking about kissing her [and _you can't help _but f e e l slightly jealous of the redhaired Peacekeeper]

And you're realizing that you minded (because all these years, maybe your friendship _did_ mean something more)

So maybe there was a chance for them to be Katniss&Gale as more than friends (because who else mattered more in your life than her?)

And you're also realizing you _do_ want to kiss her (her lips, that he's watched for so long talk and laugh and eat)

But it doesn't seem like that to her (because in her naive, innocent mind, those possibilities haven't opened up yet)

/ / /

**When you're 18, she's 16.**

And she's definitely beautiful (she's grown from the pesky twelve-year old)

Yet need year you'll be shoved off to the coal mines, only getting to see her once a week [so sometimes, _you can't help_ but be more s e n t i m e n t a l]

She laughs, she talks, she hunts, and you watch (wishing your relationship would just _get_ somewhere)

And you want to tell her, want to confess how you feel (but how will she take it?)

Plus you're really not liking the frequent glances the baker's boy is giving her (he's relentless, isn't he?)

So you suggest, giving out subtle hints, that you should run off (because what's life to offer after 18?)

But she doesn't want a family, doesn't want to put her kids through the reapings [she's right of course, but _you just can't help _but feel d i s a p p o i n t e d]

/ / /

And then Prim's reaped (because the damn Capitol just needs more and more tributes when each annual Games rolls around)

No. no. NO. no. **no**. _no_ (that's really the only word going through your creative mind)

But because the girl you love loves her sister so much, she volunteers (and as much as it hurts you, you hold on to Prim, let her take her place, because Prim fighting would be just as bad as her dying)

Then the most unexpected boy's name comes out of the boy's bowl (really? it just so happens to be that Mellark _again_)

But because she's still that naive, innocent girl, she doesn't know (but when she does find out, the rest of the country does too)

During the last few minutes with her, you try to help her out as much as you can (still being that loyal best _friend_)

So as you're standing there it hits you that these may be the last few moments with her, so you should tell her (but those Peacekeepers have great timing, don't they?)

When she's carted off to the Capitol, you see her on the screen, her face plastered across it, beaming as her illuminated, flamed body fills up the screen (but it doesn't go unnoticed that she's holding hands with Peeta)

And after the interview, you want to rip Peeta to shreds (right along with the Peacekeepers)

It's fair isn't it? (he's already ripped up the possibility of Katniss&Gale)

/ / /

And then comes the actual Games (and you're praying, oh so hoping, that she'll come back unharmed)

She's a natural born survivor (you've realized that since she was twelve)

And that idiot Mellark (who you always knew didn't deserve her) crosses to the Career side, betraying her (see? of course, you wouldn't do that)

But then he's injured, and you're thinking he's out of the picture _forever_ (oh, how wrong you were)

Then Rue dies (you pity the little girl just as much as Katniss does) and tears spring up in your eyes as she sings her to her death (would she do that for you?)

Later on she finds him, it's so pathetically cheesy you doesn't want to watch (but you have to, you _have _to make sure she's alive always)

Then he steals from her (well really, it's from you) her first kiss (you're now planning on feeding Mellark shreds to the Gamemakers)

So you sit numbly and watch as Katniss&Gale just fades into non-existence (thanks again, _Peeta_)

During the evening there's a _knock!_ on the door and it turns out to be a pathetic interviewer from the Capital (who has now labelled you as Cousin Everdeen)

It's fair to say he's a survivor as well (but it's obvious that she could still come home victorious)

But being the most stubborn girl you know, she pulls the berry-stunt (making the next part of your life hell)

/ / /

A few months later, she comes back (you only wish it was by herself)

But she's ignoring the one she risked her life for (no matter how selfish, you can't help but feel relieved)

So maybe those kisses didn't mean anything (but there were _so _many)

But you can't see her much anymore (you knew the days of work would come, just not so fast)

It's killing you (is it always this hard to keep the secret _'I love you'_ to yourself?)

So you kiss her (finally) and leave (because you know her words are just going to bring you down)

But, of course, _you just can't help_ that you're in love with her.

/ / /

And she goes off _again_ (only this time you don't need to worry about her)

But she does seem to be making an effort to look like a couple with _him_ (it's really disgusting, how many times they've been caught kissing)

You wonder, from an outsider's perspective, did she look into the kiss the same way she does with him? (maybe she did, maybe she didn't)

But those thoughts are interrupted when during the interview Peeta gets down on one knee (and you run off, knowing you don't need to watch to know what the answer will be)

/ / /

**When you're 19, she's 17.**

You're shipped off to the coal mines all the time (which are still haunted with memories of your dear sweet daddy)

And your Katniss&Gale hopes and dreams have disappeared (now you're thinking they still probably never could have been made possible)

Yet you still need to tell her (keeping it bottled up inside isn't going to help)

Her reaction is totally off though [but _you can't help _but just walk off, just like you did when you first kissed her]

/ / /

She's off on the Victory Tour (with her team and _fiancée_)

Peeta and Katniss, engaged, it actually brings you to tears (like those girls who you know must constantly reject)

When she calls to meet in the woods, you are delighted [and _you just can't help_ but regain a small s h r e d of hope]

But then she tells you the (already foreshadowed) news of the future destruction of your families (it was going to come sometime anyways)

Yet, she suggests the idea you proposed only six months ago (why don't we run off?)

And you tell her (FINALLY) the three words _"I love you" _(and your shred of hope dissolves at her two worded response: _"I know"_)

She confesses to you though, that under different circumstances, she could be different (so you're gonna work your ass off to change the circumstances when you run away)

But in her head, apparently Peeta&Haymitch are in the damn picture (you don't think it's possible to travel with either one without ripping one's head off)

Feelings even more confused, you head over to Cray's (but apparently, there's a new sheriff in town)

Before you can defend yourself, the whip creates a slash across your back (and some ten, twenty lashes later is when you black out)

Then you're vaguely aware of being in the Everdeen's big home (there are lots of noises, but the one you're focusing on is her voice, which is soon gone after some loud shouting)

Later, when you're treated with a much more relaxing painkiller, she kisses you (so maybe- _just maybe_- your love isn't one-sided)

/ / /

Of course. Dammit. It was stupid to not see it coming (the Quarter Quell was something you should have been dreading)

And since the poorest district in Panem had only three victors (you can definitely expect the cameras to still be rolling around the fake engaged couple)

It's seriously not fair that you being the handsome, gorgeous 'cousin,' cannot do anything (because the Capital's snatching her away from you is just another way of them laughing at you weakness)

The trio, as they're now called, calls upon you for help (and _you just can't help_ but notice how b e n e v o l e n t her fiancée is, and how he doesn't hate you)

Weeks later, they leave (and you really think it's goodbye now because with 22 other experienced killers, the chances are going to be a lot less for them)

Blech. And now they've teamed up with District 4 (nothing wrong with Mags, although she _is_ a little old, but _Finnick "I'm too sexy for you" Odair?_)

Then Peeta hits that force field and is (almost) dead (and the psychotic look in her eye that showed she really cared if his soul left the world makes you think twice about how she really does feel)

Dammit (life sucks)

/ / /

She shoots the arrow into the force field (and hell takes over _everything_)

The screen goes blank, the feed lost, and you have no _bloody _idea what's happening at first (what happened to her? to him? to the others?)

And then sky is falling (and this time, it's not an idiot chicken fooling around - that story from your history lesson seemed so _stupid_)

And you know, that this is it, that this is really what she was talking about (if only you had more time)

By the time you get to Madge's, she's already surrendered, holding hands with her father and mother and maids [and _you can't help_ but think that you should have gotten to know the s t r a w b e r r y girl better]

Yet, you do the best you can, and get as many people as possible to safety (so why does it feel like you've failed when you see the rest of the houses burning?)

/ / /

It sometimes does suck to be the best friend (not just because you are not able to take the relationship to the next level)

But because you are the one responsible for telling her what happened (how her home, her district, burned to the ground)

You really wish it was just a sick joke (more irony is added to the fact that she's "The Girl on Fire")

It might have been your _knight-in-shining-armor_ moment when you told her you got Prim&her mother out (but right now, there's really nothing to brag about)

/ / /

She's alive (that's really all you can every time you see her in 13)

But it looks like she's been to hell and back (although that's probably not an exaggeration)

_He_ didn't make it out, apparently not as valuable to be saved first (but you notice how depressed she is over that one fact)

Coin doesn't think she was worth it (but you really don't agree, especially when he appears with Flickerman for an interview and calls for a cease-fire and sends her running out the room)

But nevertheless, she makes up her mind and decides to be the **MOCKINGJAY [**and _you just can't help_ but a d m i r e her spirit and courage]

And the rest of the war really passes in a blur (they attack, we make propos, end of story, really)

And you both go into District 8 to visit the hospital (and conditions here are worse than you could ever imagine, but she prevails and stays for them)

Yet there's never a moment of peace and there an attack (but as you team up to shoot them, you can't help but feel like that synchronized, united team again)

The Capitol won't have the success of the Mockingjay making them look like fools though and attempt to attack, but Peeta spills it on national TV (and right before they cut it off, you catch notice of his blood splattering the ground)

You can tell she's losing it (but you are too, especially when you see her head off to Finnick's cabin)

Then she seems more and more depressed (finally getting to the point of a breakdown)

So of course, being the best _friend _you still are, you sign up on the mission to retrieve _him_ (you really know that to that's what you need to do to make her happier)

But he's been tortured, to the point where he doesn't know who's truly on what side or who he loves (and you think even more selfishly, that if he never gets better, she won't either)

And later, you're off to District 2, and you feel like you must take out someone (they're the ones that sent the attack, set D12 people and their houses on fire, aren't they?)

To blow people up, to kill them off, they're all working for the Capital (the more, the better, as long as you end the injustice)

The two of you kiss again, but apparently, she doesn't know what to feel (but frankly, at this point you don't blame her)

Really? What happened to the Katniss&Gale from five years ago? (it seems just like a shattered memory that will now never happen)

And later you're all on a squad sent to the Capital (it's not really fair that you don't get the chance to fight, though, it's not your fault you're so "camera ready")

But then _he's_ sent to go join you guys [it's really quite obvious what he was sent for - but _you just can't help_ but w a n t to attempt to retrieve his memories]

But Katniss opens up a fighting opportunity when she sets the crew onto the mission of assassinating Snow (anything to get him out of the way)

And as you go along... and _along_... and _a l o n g_... more and more people are gone (Boggs, Jackson, Finnick... they'll never come back)

Along the way, he starts to go crazier, and suddenly you're afraid that if he goes, she'll go too (but they kiss, more passionately than ever, more passionately than she's _ever _kissed you)

You stay at Tigris' (a woman who's so surgically enhanced that it makes her look like a freak)

And discuss with him about, for the first time, face-to-face, about your personal affairs [and _you just can't help_ but admit the **t r u t h**: she'll choose the one she can't survive without]

Leaving Tigris' in the most ridiculous costumes, you head for Snow's mansion (but citizens get in the way, and suddenly you've landed on a doorstep, being dragged in by a pair of white gloves)

Immediately, you attempt escape, the most natural thing to do (but, instead you face two bullets to the head, even worse pain than the whipping)

But before you black out, you can make out the sounds of something exploding off in the distance (you hope she's not there)

/ / /

You screwed up (big time)

It really wasn't your fault, but five years of a friendship means you get to know the person, sometimes better than them themselves (and you KNOW, she can never look at you again, without thinking of it)

You don't blame her either, it was Coin, it was the new President, who did this (you now understand why it was wrong to take out as many people possible, no matter what)

It's just another sick Hunger Games, another strategy you really weren't a part of (and now you suffer the consequences)

She doesn't say anything, but you KNOW what's she's thinking (it's okay - you're shipped off to District 2 the next day, where you can attempt to erase the memories of Katniss&Gale)

Life's really not a fairytale (there were no soul mates, there were no _best-friends-turned-boyfriend-girlfriend_ involved)

Your last words to her: "**Bye Catnip**," and Katniss&Gale is going, _going_, gone forever [and _you just can't help_ but let the t e a r s streak down your face]

**Because when she's gone, you're n o t h i n g.**

/ / /

**Heh. Yeah. Gale really didn't get a proper goodbye at the end of Mockingjay :( But that's how life goes**


End file.
